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MakubeX
Eating Disorder Survivor

LoL~
Thanks Maiji, that is something that I always wish I can write~
LoL, now I can write it~
Thanks again!

08-11-2001 03:44 PM
 
 
Maniac Ranma
FFO Survivor : Dias Flac

BTW: I think this will win the award for longest post. The orange area is my explanation of the Dias Flac character I created. The White is the description of his final battle. If you have the time, I'd appreciate your reading the orange first as it will help the white make more sense.


Dias Flac: Final Battle.

All of our lives we fight not one, but two battles. Whenever either is lost, all is lost. These battles are so subtle that many don’t realize the entire point of their existence is to fight these battles. Not to gain materialistic possesion or to become wealthy or famous. No matter what the religion, belief, sect, or faith, all can agree that the true purpose of life is to fight well and thus live well. Why else would the phrase ‘To live well is the best revenge’ exist? In essence it means that to live your life in a way that anothers negative influence is nullified is a two fold victory. The two battles we face during our time on earth are out battle with the outside world, the physical plane. When this is lost, you die. Not the end of the story, though, but truly an invitation to epilogue. The most important fight, the one that can be won is the fight we have with ourselves. This is truly the most difficult opponent we will all face. All those nagging doubts about what we do. Guilt, regret, shame, self-pity, low-self-esteem, and self-hatred. These things can easily destroy a person. I believe that after we die, we are either re-incarnated, or we simply cease to exist. I don’t believe in a ‘heaven’ and I frankly wouldn’t want to go to one if it existed. To spend all of eternity wasting away in a place with no conflict....ugh, give me a challenge. Give me life or nothing. But I do believe that whether you head to heaven/hell, are re-incarnated, or simply cease to exist on this plane that you MUST confront yourself. The parts of who you are that you hide from. And it’s the outcome of that meeting that decides if you led a failed and useless life, or whether you achieved something and were worthy of that greatest of gifts. Dias is dead. He led the life of the sword, gambled his life on his skill and lost. As I said before, this was the only way Dias would end up. There is a reason why only young people are represented in games like Final Fantasy and Star Ocean. Those who seek the possibilty of death will soon find it. Though with the exception of Efli and Thopok none of you know’s much about me, this is how I will end up. I openly consort with danger on a daily basis. I don’t wish death, but I doubt I’ll die in bed. In this last year alone I’ve been hit by a truck, fallen from a balconey, dragged beneath a mountain bike for 10 feet, fell from a mountain wall and had various other things happen to me. I’m not clumsy. I actually trained as a gymnast for several years, but like Dias I overestimate my skill. Every injury I get is because I reached too far. One day I’ll reach so far that I won’t make it back. I don’t live all that dangerously and now that I have my GF I am slowing down abit. But one day I’ll go down the wrong hill on my bike, or fall from a rock wall and hit the mats at just the wrong angle.... I doubt it will happen soon, but I just know that when I die it will be because I lost a gamble. (BTW: I never gamble in a way that would hurt others. That’s not a way to live, that’s just stupid. So don’t worry about my driving.)

Okay, that was depressing and you’re probably all scared of me now, but don’t be. As I type this it’s late at night and I can’t get to sleep. I’m actually a sensible person and completly boring...until I get into physical activities and then I am unstoppable.

Where am I going with this? Well, I started in this tournement because Efli asked me, Renzo, and Thopok if we would be interested in helping represent his site (Which of course crashed the day before the tourney began). We agreed and my only goal in this thing was to have fun and see what others would think of my writing. I didn’t even care about winning. I just wanted to compete for awhile. But then as I got further into Dias and he became me I realized that I was trying to tell a story of my philosophy. Of what I believe that life is about. Of how it ends. Dias is me now, and I can’t let his story end just yet.

Dias is an interesting person in that he has never been honest with himself. He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever created. The main-character in the book I’m perpetually writing has nothing on my neo-Dias character. SO2 is permentantly ruined for me as I will always expect this Dias that I have created. All characters I create are fighting the two battles but they do it like all others taking it all at once. Dias is amazing because of his mind set. He was so set on how he was going to live that he completely ignored the ‘How I live’ aspect of his life, just focusing on the ‘living’ aspect. It’s strange but this was me up until I met my girlfriend. I was determined to live my life alone. No distractions. Just me. But then I met her and my life changed. I loathe the person I was up until some 5 months ago. I hate how he wasted over 17 years of his life living in his assumption that because he had never felt lonely in his life and was fine if not better without the company of others. I can’t believe I was like that. It scares me that I could have easily gone on this way for the rest of my life. My Dias did. He has spent all but the final 4 days of his life living in his ‘I need no one else’ assumption. And now, only at the last second, he finds that one person who makes him think twice.

I don’t know what kind of people you are, but it’s hard to let go of the ‘invincibility’ that an utter lack of emotional dependence allows you. It was hell for me and only a ‘heart to heart’ with my girlfriend made me see that even though I’m capable of feeling lonely now, and am utterly lost on her, that now I care about what others think and I can’t bare the thought that I may have hurt someone’s feelings...that I’ve won in the long run. I’m learning what it means to let someone into who you are. I’m gaining a confidence for dealing with others that I never had, and most importantly I’ve become happy with who I am. And, on a non-hentai note, the concept of sex has changed for me. Instead of being a trap, something that should be avoided, something that ruins you and makes you dependent on another, I’ve come to see it as something that, when treated with descretion, is a tool for not only pleasure and passion but for strengthening your connection to a person. I wish I had had more time to show Dias making this transition. If I hadn’t have had to work this weekend I probably wouldn’t have killed him off. I would have let him realize the changes that accepting his wish to be with another person had created in him. Let him willingly become a whole person, like I feel I am now. It’s strange, but after round two winning meant nothing for me. I wanted to explore what I could thru Dias and I wanted to do it within the story, limits, and rules set by a collection of the finest authors I could find. I found that with you. This is why I rarely voted and why I threw that marriage thing in. I had no idea it’d have the effect it did. I wasn’t even sure why I did that, it just seemed like the next natural step for him to take. It made him completely vulnerable for the first time in his life.

But, Dias is now going to face what I did: An evaluation of his life to date. And he doesn’t have Rena with him like I had my GF. All he has is his resolve to be happy with himself, 2 days of happiness, and 18 years of self-hatred. I give you the final chapter of my swan-song and what I hope will be my finest writing to date. Dias final battle. And I’ll be honest. I don’t know whether he’ll die contently or burn in the hell fire of his incredible regret. I won’t know until I stop typing because I realize I’m done.


----------------

“ I’m so...stupid...I’m sorry.” Dias said. He could feel the life draining from him, his body destroyed by Cloud Strife, the first opponenent he’d not been able to overwhelm in all of his life. Rena’s face filled his vision and he cried out silently as she dimmed. It all got blacker and blacker...Dias was happy that he wasn’t afraid of what was on the other side of this growing darkness. That he was going to die with courage...that the only thing he regretted was Rena’s hot tears that he felt on his face, the last thing he felt before he realized he was dead.

An ocean of stars surrounded him as he stood on an impossibly large, flat mirror that relected the white, blue, red, and purple stars that shimmered in the sky. Dias looked at himself in the mirror and saw that his shoulder, ruined by Cloud’s climhazzard, had been mended. His body was no longer ravaged by Strife’s sword, but as whole as it had been the day before he’d been dragged into this tournement.

Dias looked about the limitless expanse, expecting to see something, anything. Surely death wasn’t this. Surely there was more...

“Oh yes, there is more. Not much more, but you haven’t earned the right to die yet.” Came the voice of Claude.

Dias turned to see that a version of his rival truly stood there, 10 feet way. Only it wasn’t Claude. It was him, dressed in Claude’s strange uniform.

“Now do you understand who I am?” Dias shadow asked again. This time it was his own voice, but it was it was cold...dark...it was the voice that Dias heard in his head when he thought, he realized. Dias looked at his shadows reflection in the great mirror and gasped as he saw a constantly shifting analgram of himself and Claude in different dress and stance and expression. Though all had one thing in common: All were inherently angry.

“How have you lived, Dias?” it asked, it’s voice bereft of compassion. “Are you happy with who you are? Will you go into the stream of life and make it glow as your successful stint in existence makes it a grander thing...or will your regret and doubt cause it to fester?”

Dias gulped. “I-I don’t understand. What are you asking?”

The shadow laughed. “You are so pathetic! You actually gave up and stopped lying to yourself for two days and the moment you die you start again!” It floated into the emptiness around them. “This isn’t the time for you to get any more information about what it’s all about. You’re dead and if you didn’t learn enough about life while you were alive, then you’re a fool if you think you get any more answers in death. This is it, your big test. It’s not the fault of existence that you didn’t study till the last second. “ The shadow floated in more closely. “Here’s the deal Dias, the last inkling you get of what’s at stake and how much you squandered a gift that is allowed to so few. You have to prove to me that you are confident that your life wasn’t a waste of time and space. And to do that you’ll have to defeat me in combat. As the warrior of light it’s expected of you. If you win then you get to die peacefully and re-enter the life stream. If you lose, you will have led a wasted life and will be left alone for all eternity to re-live your wasted years.”

“Why do I have to fight you!?” Dias demanded. “How can I win when I don’t have any clue as to what you are!”

The shadow loomed over Dias. “You do know what I am, Dias. I’m the life you wasted, the guilt you have. I’m your dead mother, your dead sister, your dead father. I’m the billions of people who died when you couldn’t save Expel, the billions who are still dead while you live on a LIE! I’m Claude, the boy who you tried everything to destroy except for killing him, the boy who beat you and because you couldn’t live with that you stole Rena from him the first chance you got. I’m Rena, clutching her pendent as she cries because Dias left Arlia so suddenly. I’m everything you hate about yourself and I’m more powerful to you than I could be to ANYONE else in all of existence. I’m 28 years of self-hatred, 10,180 days of shame and guilt, while you are whatever scraps of dignity and true pride you have to yourself.” The shadow drew a sword from it’s scabbard. The sword was 7 feet long, several feet longer than the scabbard it had been in. It was black and had vicious serates in it’s edge and the shadow handled it with impossible ease and strength. “Prove you weren't a waste of time for the cosmos!" And in a flash th shadow was behind Dias, slashing at him with the impossibly large sword. Dias ducked and rolled to saftey but there was none to be found. Dias drew his sword. "Light come forth!" He snapped and a beam of pure white light burst from the hilt. The shadow was already in the air bringing his sword down on Dias. Dias didn't even try to block, he leapt away as the shadow brought his sword into the mirror's surface. There was a sickening crack and the mirror began to shatter.

Dias stared at the shattering floor and realized in terror, 'It's not going to stop!' He began running from the gaping and spreading hole in existence. His shadow landed in front of him. "Where are you going!?" He screamed at Dias.

Dias kicked his shadow with his knee in the gut and brought his sword down, canceling his move when he realized the Shadow was unphased by the kick and instead flipped over the shadow and began slashing at it's back with the sword of light.

"Agghhuh!" The shadow screamed as the light tore holes out of it. But Dias didn't have time to see how much damage he had caused, the hole of existence was coming closer and from within it the Fire's of non-existence burst thru, lighting the darkness. Even at a distance he could feel the flames, like a hellfire. Dias turned to run and the shadow took flight. The shadow flew in at him like a dive bomber.

"You wasted your life!" The shadow screamed. "Even now, when your putrid heart no longer beats in that waste of flesh you run from the fires of justice, the flames of judgement. You cannot even defeat your fears and self-loathing long enough to confront them. Worse, you are afraid of the flames!"

Everything slowed down now and Dias finally found his answer. "What do you want from me!?" He screamed. "Admission? Fine! You have it! I wasted my life! I didn't know any other way! No one taught me that that way of life is worthless and it killed me in the end. But I don't care how many breaths of air I wasted, it was worth it because I did what I wanted to do!" Dias rolled to his side to avoid begin speared again my the massive dark sword. The sword jammed into the mirror and once again it began to crack. Dias turned and ran away again, now running from the spread of two hellfires.

"I got what I wanted from life!" Dias yelled back at the shadow who flew thru the air. "I did more than you'll ever do! I'm the one who saved Rena and Claude and the others at the front lines! I'm the one who fought side-by-side with that wimp Claude and saved the world! I'm the one who married Rena! And even if I didn't have but two days to enjoy my life, it's how I ended it, in her arms, that I will always remember!" he screamed. The shadow swooped in for another stab and Dias was running out of infinity.

Dias turned at the last second and used Clouds move 'Climhazzard!" Dias jammed the sword of light into the shadows face. The end of it protruded from his opponents back. "And I think that if either of us can stand that fire, it's going to be ME! You said it yourself, that I'm the pride and dignity of this relationship, well screw you asshole! If I ended my life with any pride and dignity then it was worth it. When I died I had people who cared about me. Will I care about you now?" Dias finished the move and leapt into the air, dragging the blade of his sword thru, tearing the shadows face in half. Just as his feet left the ground the shatter effect rolled under Dias and he and his shadow fell into the fire.

The shadow screamed, ignoring the fact that it no longer had a face to scream with.

And Dias...found the flames warm and inviting. "I did it." He said to himself. "I'm going into the life stream...my life...was worth something."

The shadow exploded, and the fires went from red to green. Pink and white particles of light floated thru it, touching Dias, making him feel warm inside, a feeling he'd discovered these last two days.

It began to get blacker and blacker....Dias looked at his sword and realized he didn't need it. For the first time in his life he didn't want a blade to weigh him down. He looked up into the heavens above and threw the blade into the dark infinity, content to let another find it as he had.

And, as Dias was abosrbed by the fabric of space/time, to become part of another being that was just begining it's time in the universe, Dias had a thought. It was of Rena, smiling as he agreed to join her at the lines....and Dias realized that he hadn't wasted any of his life...he had simply aimed higher than others and had had to work harder for what he wanted....Rena.....Rena....Rena....

---


Representing the home of the infamous Loin, Final Fantasy Apocalypse

What I've learned in Survivor Today:

1)The battle with the Time Devourer from Chrono Cross is alot more interesting when it's being fought in survivor

2)SO2's Dias Flac makes a good replacement for The Slayers Gourry Gabriev.

Last edited by Maniac Ranma on 08-11-2001 at 04:20 PM

08-11-2001 04:02 PM
 
 
Terra Lockheart
Um...

OOC: Wow. That's all I have to say after reading THAT post. That's amazing...I didn't really know you had anything in common with Dias till now. Hit by a truck??? Oh my God...you obviouly aren't short on the injuries...but anyways, like I said in another one of my posts, Star Ocean 2 is going to be totally different for me next time I play it. Not nessessarrily in a bad way, either. I feel like I know the characters better now, especially Rena in my case.
That was an awesome post. Awe-inspiring, seriously. Now I feel like I know Dias WAY better than before. I never thought of it in that way...it puts a totally different spin on things. That's one of the best posts I've read in this intire thread. Really. After that one, I feel like I should start writing again instead of uselessly spamming...it makes me feel almost guilty. It was great having you for the time you were in the tournament...hopefully you'll be in the next one and I can see your writing again. I know I definately want to do this again sometime, it really helped me meet a lot of new people here. And a ton of good writers I never saw before. It's kind of inspiring, to see so many writers in the same place...ok. Now I really, REALLY want to write someting. A fic or something, I just feel like writing...I guess I should thank you. I needed something to make me start writing again--writer's block kills. Thanks for the ending...it puts "closure" on the whole thing. I'm glad that you were Dias and I chose to be Rena...it made the tournament much more interesting for me, and a lot of laughs at the third round. We have to have another one of these things in Survivor...
Ok, now I'm going to go write something...

08-11-2001 04:57 PM
 
 
Angelalex242
Vampire with a soul

OOC:Wow MR. Deep. Very Deep. Makes me glad I didn't send Lucia in after your soul. Wins the best single post award, even though Magus had been posting that genre of exposition of self the whole tournament. Cheers old boy.

I'm going to be vanishing for the next 12 hours. AD&D tourney here in the area. Anyways, I'll be back to see what all happened.

08-11-2001 05:03 PM
 
 
Crystal Sword
FFO Survivor: Ghaleon

OOC: *Gapes in amazement.* Wow. MR, that was amazing. Of course, I'm going to have to purge everything in this entire competition from my mind before I play SO2, but... wow. I am truly impressed. And amazed that you survived all of that, for that matter. Wow.

In other news, Ghaleon is now awake. If you want to fight me, go right ahead, but please don't leave without giving me the chance to put my own spin on the fight. All right? Great.

BTW, Angel, in chronology, we'll say that Ghaleon went off to bed AFTER hearing Lucia and Nall's conversation.

08-11-2001 05:17 PM
 
 
Angelalex242
Vampire with a soul

OOC:This gonna be my last post before I go...

Anyway Crystal, Ghaleon might wanna go jump in the ice cold pool after the rated R dreams(at least) he must have had last night

08-11-2001 05:34 PM
 
 
Terra Lockheart
Um...

OOC: *sighs* I STILL have writers block, everything I tried to write sucked, and no one is posting. Yeah, life is good...

---



~Sponsoring Rena Lanford in FFO Survivor~
*And many, MANY thanks to Thunder Blossom for this sig.^_^*

08-11-2001 05:35 PM
 
 
Crystal Sword
FFO Survivor: Ghaleon

Splashing around some more for no good reason

OOC: Er... I don't think I wanna go there, but... I'll go ahead and drop him in the pool. Might as well.

Oh, and one other thing. 10:30 PST (45 minutes from now) is the deadline for something to happen: after that, I'm gettin' this party started myself!

-----------

Ugh... that was not the most comfortable sleeping arrangement I could have devised. Still, better than no sleep at all... I suppose.

What strange dreams I have been having. But no matter. I believe I shall go "warm up" in the water before the other contestants get back to whatever they were doing - or not doing, as the case may be. I wonder how the fight between Lenneth and Vincent turned out...


-----------

OOC: As do I. Have they been fighting all night, or did they just both fall asleep?

08-11-2001 05:40 PM
 
 
Maiji
Loki the rice krispie


Maniac Ranma-san: Wow is definitely the right word that everyone is using. You've gone through so much, and through this you've DEFINITELY taught me a few things, and I'm sure you've reached many others as well, judging by the reactions. *huggles* I am so happy that you've honored - and I MEAN that, though I know it sounds corny as hell - this tournament with your presence and your writing.

And I'm so lucky to have been part of all of it ^___^

The hair is cut!

When does this round end? O_o;;;


---



"Ahahahahahaha! How wonderful this power is!" XDDD

08-11-2001 05:59 PM
 
 
Crystal Sword
FFO Survivor: Ghaleon

OOC: The round ends at 11:00 PM PST, or 12 hours and 45 minutes from now. The inactivity ends in 15 minutes, if not sooner...

Are congratulations in order on the haircut? Or commiseration?

08-11-2001 06:05 PM
 
 
Maiji
Loki the rice krispie


Wow, this round is long +D

I like it! The hair on the ground scared me though O_o;;;

*was laughing at the FF:TSW "Thriller" parody pic in the Movie forum* XDDD

08-11-2001 06:08 PM
 
 
Terra Lockheart
Um...

Hmmm...it's good that someone is going to do SOMEHING soon. And Maiji, how's the haircut? Good or horrible? For some reason I don't feel like doing expressions...why is that?

EDIT: I see. So you like it? How short is it? Oh, great...I'm back to spamming again...

08-11-2001 06:09 PM
 
 
Bloody August
Où est la Lumière?

Rats! It's so quiet around here. I am going to bed soon and that will leave me with only about 4 hrs ++ time left to write all my battle scenes. Gosh...

08-11-2001 06:09 PM
 
 
Thopok
BG's Minsc - FFO Survivor

So many posts
So many pages
Who'll get the votes?
Reading'll take ages

Ack! I'm a bit braindead today, so no fics.
ICQ's screwed too.

Anyhoo, that only leaves me with a good luck for y'all.

...g'luck O.o

---



FFO: Survivor v5.0 - Baldur's Gate's Minsc Ex-Type Noble

"We will make the heavens burn" - Squall
Mirror Image by Thopok coming soon...


08-11-2001 06:22 PM
 
 
Maiji
Loki the rice krispie


A little less than shoulder length. ^_^

Thanks for asking, you guys! ^^ But we must have better things to talk about than my hair O.o;;;

XDDD

08-11-2001 06:26 PM
 
 
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