Maniac
Ranma FFO Survivor : Dias
Flac
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BTW: I think this will win the award for
longest post. The orange area is my explanation of the Dias
Flac character I created. The White is the description of his
final battle. If you have the time, I'd appreciate your
reading the orange first as it will help the white make more
sense.
Dias Flac: Final Battle.
All of our lives we fight not one, but two battles.
Whenever either is lost, all is lost. These battles are so
subtle that many don’t realize the entire point of their
existence is to fight these battles. Not to gain materialistic
possesion or to become wealthy or famous. No matter what the
religion, belief, sect, or faith, all can agree that the
true purpose of life is to fight well and thus live
well. Why else would the phrase ‘To live well is the best
revenge’ exist? In essence it means that to live your life in
a way that anothers negative influence is nullified is a two
fold victory. The two battles we face during our time on earth
are out battle with the outside world, the physical plane.
When this is lost, you die. Not the end of the story, though,
but truly an invitation to epilogue. The most important fight,
the one that can be won is the fight we have with
ourselves. This is truly the most difficult opponent we will
all face. All those nagging doubts about what we do. Guilt,
regret, shame, self-pity, low-self-esteem, and self-hatred.
These things can easily destroy a person. I believe that after
we die, we are either re-incarnated, or we simply cease to
exist. I don’t believe in a ‘heaven’ and I frankly wouldn’t
want to go to one if it existed. To spend all of eternity
wasting away in a place with no conflict....ugh, give me a
challenge. Give me life or nothing. But I do believe that
whether you head to heaven/hell, are re-incarnated, or simply
cease to exist on this plane that you MUST confront yourself.
The parts of who you are that you hide from. And it’s the
outcome of that meeting that decides if you led a failed and
useless life, or whether you achieved something and were
worthy of that greatest of gifts. Dias is dead. He led the
life of the sword, gambled his life on his skill and lost. As
I said before, this was the only way Dias would end up. There
is a reason why only young people are represented in games
like Final Fantasy and Star Ocean. Those who seek the
possibilty of death will soon find it. Though with the
exception of Efli and Thopok none of you know’s much about me,
this is how I will end up. I openly consort with danger on a
daily basis. I don’t wish death, but I doubt I’ll die in bed.
In this last year alone I’ve been hit by a truck, fallen from
a balconey, dragged beneath a mountain bike for 10 feet, fell
from a mountain wall and had various other things happen to
me. I’m not clumsy. I actually trained as a gymnast for
several years, but like Dias I overestimate my skill. Every
injury I get is because I reached too far. One day I’ll reach
so far that I won’t make it back. I don’t live all that
dangerously and now that I have my GF I am slowing down abit.
But one day I’ll go down the wrong hill on my bike, or fall
from a rock wall and hit the mats at just the wrong angle....
I doubt it will happen soon, but I just know that when I die
it will be because I lost a gamble. (BTW: I never gamble in a
way that would hurt others. That’s not a way to live, that’s
just stupid. So don’t worry about my driving.)
Okay,
that was depressing and you’re probably all scared of me now,
but don’t be. As I type this it’s late at night and I can’t
get to sleep. I’m actually a sensible person and completly
boring...until I get into physical activities and then I am
unstoppable.
Where am I going with this? Well, I
started in this tournement because Efli asked me, Renzo, and
Thopok if we would be interested in helping represent his site
(Which of course crashed the day before the tourney began). We
agreed and my only goal in this thing was to have fun and see
what others would think of my writing. I didn’t even care
about winning. I just wanted to compete for awhile. But then
as I got further into Dias and he became me I realized that I
was trying to tell a story of my philosophy. Of what I believe
that life is about. Of how it ends. Dias is me now, and I
can’t let his story end just yet.
Dias is an
interesting person in that he has never been honest with
himself. He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever created. The
main-character in the book I’m perpetually writing has nothing
on my neo-Dias character. SO2 is permentantly ruined for me as
I will always expect this Dias that I have created. All
characters I create are fighting the two battles but they do
it like all others taking it all at once. Dias is amazing
because of his mind set. He was so set on how he was going to
live that he completely ignored the ‘How I live’ aspect of his
life, just focusing on the ‘living’ aspect. It’s strange but
this was me up until I met my girlfriend. I was determined to
live my life alone. No distractions. Just me. But then I met
her and my life changed. I loathe the person I was up until
some 5 months ago. I hate how he wasted over 17 years of his
life living in his assumption that because he had never felt
lonely in his life and was fine if not better without the
company of others. I can’t believe I was like that. It scares
me that I could have easily gone on this way for the rest of
my life. My Dias did. He has spent all but the final 4 days of
his life living in his ‘I need no one else’ assumption. And
now, only at the last second, he finds that one person who
makes him think twice.
I don’t know what kind of
people you are, but it’s hard to let go of the ‘invincibility’
that an utter lack of emotional dependence allows you. It was
hell for me and only a ‘heart to heart’ with my girlfriend
made me see that even though I’m capable of feeling lonely
now, and am utterly lost on her, that now I care about what
others think and I can’t bare the thought that I may have hurt
someone’s feelings...that I’ve won in the long run. I’m
learning what it means to let someone into who you are. I’m
gaining a confidence for dealing with others that I never had,
and most importantly I’ve become happy with who I am.
And, on a non-hentai note, the concept of sex has changed for
me. Instead of being a trap, something that should be avoided,
something that ruins you and makes you dependent on another,
I’ve come to see it as something that, when treated with
descretion, is a tool for not only pleasure and passion but
for strengthening your connection to a person. I wish I had
had more time to show Dias making this transition. If I hadn’t
have had to work this weekend I probably wouldn’t have killed
him off. I would have let him realize the changes that
accepting his wish to be with another person had created in
him. Let him willingly become a whole person, like I feel I am
now. It’s strange, but after round two winning meant nothing
for me. I wanted to explore what I could thru Dias and I
wanted to do it within the story, limits, and rules set by a
collection of the finest authors I could find. I found that
with you. This is why I rarely voted and why I threw that
marriage thing in. I had no idea it’d have the effect it did.
I wasn’t even sure why I did that, it just seemed like the
next natural step for him to take. It made him completely
vulnerable for the first time in his life.
But, Dias
is now going to face what I did: An evaluation of his life to
date. And he doesn’t have Rena with him like I had my GF. All
he has is his resolve to be happy with himself, 2 days of
happiness, and 18 years of self-hatred. I give you the final
chapter of my swan-song and what I hope will be my finest
writing to date. Dias final battle. And I’ll be honest. I
don’t know whether he’ll die contently or burn in the hell
fire of his incredible regret. I won’t know until I stop
typing because I realize I’m done.
----------------
“ I’m
so...stupid...I’m sorry.” Dias said. He could feel the life
draining from him, his body destroyed by Cloud Strife, the
first opponenent he’d not been able to overwhelm in all of his
life. Rena’s face filled his vision and he cried out silently
as she dimmed. It all got blacker and blacker...Dias was happy
that he wasn’t afraid of what was on the other side of this
growing darkness. That he was going to die with courage...that
the only thing he regretted was Rena’s hot tears that he felt
on his face, the last thing he felt before he realized he was
dead.
An ocean of stars surrounded him as he stood on
an impossibly large, flat mirror that relected the white,
blue, red, and purple stars that shimmered in the sky. Dias
looked at himself in the mirror and saw that his shoulder,
ruined by Cloud’s climhazzard, had been mended. His body was
no longer ravaged by Strife’s sword, but as whole as it had
been the day before he’d been dragged into this tournement.
Dias looked about the limitless expanse, expecting to
see something, anything. Surely death wasn’t this. Surely
there was more...
“Oh yes, there is more. Not much
more, but you haven’t earned the right to die yet.” Came the
voice of Claude.
Dias turned to see that a version of
his rival truly stood there, 10 feet way. Only it wasn’t
Claude. It was him, dressed in Claude’s strange uniform.
“Now do you understand who I am?” Dias shadow asked
again. This time it was his own voice, but it was it was
cold...dark...it was the voice that Dias heard in his head
when he thought, he realized. Dias looked at his shadows
reflection in the great mirror and gasped as he saw a
constantly shifting analgram of himself and Claude in
different dress and stance and expression. Though all had one
thing in common: All were inherently angry.
“How have
you lived, Dias?” it asked, it’s voice bereft of compassion.
“Are you happy with who you are? Will you go into the stream
of life and make it glow as your successful stint in existence
makes it a grander thing...or will your regret and doubt cause
it to fester?”
Dias gulped. “I-I don’t understand.
What are you asking?”
The shadow laughed. “You are so
pathetic! You actually gave up and stopped lying to yourself
for two days and the moment you die you start again!” It
floated into the emptiness around them. “This isn’t the time
for you to get any more information about what it’s all about.
You’re dead and if you didn’t learn enough about life while
you were alive, then you’re a fool if you think you get any
more answers in death. This is it, your big test. It’s not the
fault of existence that you didn’t study till the last second.
“ The shadow floated in more closely. “Here’s the deal Dias,
the last inkling you get of what’s at stake and how much you
squandered a gift that is allowed to so few. You have to prove
to me that you are confident that your life wasn’t a waste of
time and space. And to do that you’ll have to defeat me in
combat. As the warrior of light it’s expected of you. If you
win then you get to die peacefully and re-enter the life
stream. If you lose, you will have led a wasted life and will
be left alone for all eternity to re-live your wasted years.”
“Why do I have to fight you!?” Dias demanded. “How can
I win when I don’t have any clue as to what you are!”
The shadow loomed over Dias. “You do know what I am,
Dias. I’m the life you wasted, the guilt you have. I’m your
dead mother, your dead sister, your dead father. I’m the
billions of people who died when you couldn’t save Expel, the
billions who are still dead while you live on a LIE! I’m
Claude, the boy who you tried everything to destroy except for
killing him, the boy who beat you and because you couldn’t
live with that you stole Rena from him the first chance you
got. I’m Rena, clutching her pendent as she cries because Dias
left Arlia so suddenly. I’m everything you hate about yourself
and I’m more powerful to you than I could be to ANYONE else in
all of existence. I’m 28 years of self-hatred, 10,180 days of
shame and guilt, while you are whatever scraps of dignity and
true pride you have to yourself.” The shadow drew a sword from
it’s scabbard. The sword was 7 feet long, several feet longer
than the scabbard it had been in. It was black and had vicious
serates in it’s edge and the shadow handled it with impossible
ease and strength. “Prove you weren't a waste of time for the
cosmos!" And in a flash th shadow was behind Dias, slashing at
him with the impossibly large sword. Dias ducked and rolled to
saftey but there was none to be found. Dias drew his sword.
"Light come forth!" He snapped and a beam of pure white light
burst from the hilt. The shadow was already in the air
bringing his sword down on Dias. Dias didn't even try to
block, he leapt away as the shadow brought his sword into the
mirror's surface. There was a sickening crack and the mirror
began to shatter.
Dias stared at the shattering floor
and realized in terror, 'It's not going to stop!' He
began running from the gaping and spreading hole in existence.
His shadow landed in front of him. "Where are you going!?" He
screamed at Dias.
Dias kicked his shadow with his knee
in the gut and brought his sword down, canceling his move when
he realized the Shadow was unphased by the kick and instead
flipped over the shadow and began slashing at it's back with
the sword of light.
"Agghhuh!" The shadow screamed as
the light tore holes out of it. But Dias didn't have time to
see how much damage he had caused, the hole of existence was
coming closer and from within it the Fire's of non-existence
burst thru, lighting the darkness. Even at a distance he could
feel the flames, like a hellfire. Dias turned to run and the
shadow took flight. The shadow flew in at him like a dive
bomber.
"You wasted your life!" The shadow screamed.
"Even now, when your putrid heart no longer beats in that
waste of flesh you run from the fires of justice, the flames
of judgement. You cannot even defeat your fears and
self-loathing long enough to confront them. Worse, you are
afraid of the flames!"
Everything slowed down now and
Dias finally found his answer. "What do you want from me!?" He
screamed. "Admission? Fine! You have it! I wasted my life! I
didn't know any other way! No one taught me that that way of
life is worthless and it killed me in the end. But I don't
care how many breaths of air I wasted, it was worth it because
I did what I wanted to do!" Dias rolled to his side to avoid
begin speared again my the massive dark sword. The sword
jammed into the mirror and once again it began to crack. Dias
turned and ran away again, now running from the spread of two
hellfires.
"I got what I wanted from life!" Dias
yelled back at the shadow who flew thru the air. "I did more
than you'll ever do! I'm the one who saved Rena
and Claude and the others at the front lines! I'm the
one who fought side-by-side with that wimp Claude and saved
the world! I'm the one who married Rena! And even if I
didn't have but two days to enjoy my life, it's how I ended
it, in her arms, that I will always remember!" he screamed.
The shadow swooped in for another stab and Dias was running
out of infinity.
Dias turned at the last second and
used Clouds move 'Climhazzard!" Dias jammed the sword of light
into the shadows face. The end of it protruded from his
opponents back. "And I think that if either of us can stand
that fire, it's going to be ME! You said it yourself, that I'm
the pride and dignity of this relationship, well screw you
asshole! If I ended my life with any pride and dignity
then it was worth it. When I died I had people who cared about
me. Will I care about you now?" Dias finished the move and
leapt into the air, dragging the blade of his sword thru,
tearing the shadows face in half. Just as his feet left the
ground the shatter effect rolled under Dias and he and his
shadow fell into the fire.
The shadow screamed,
ignoring the fact that it no longer had a face to scream with.
And Dias...found the flames warm and inviting. "I did
it." He said to himself. "I'm going into the life stream...my
life...was worth something."
The shadow exploded, and
the fires went from red to green. Pink and white particles of
light floated thru it, touching Dias, making him feel warm
inside, a feeling he'd discovered these last two days.
It began to get blacker and blacker....Dias looked at
his sword and realized he didn't need it. For the first time
in his life he didn't want a blade to weigh him down. He
looked up into the heavens above and threw the blade into the
dark infinity, content to let another find it as he had.
And, as Dias was abosrbed by the fabric of space/time,
to become part of another being that was just begining it's
time in the universe, Dias had a thought. It was of Rena,
smiling as he agreed to join her at the lines....and Dias
realized that he hadn't wasted any of his life...he had
simply aimed higher than others and had had to work harder for
what he wanted....Rena.....Rena....Rena....
---
Representing the home of the infamous Loin,
Final Fantasy Apocalypse
What I've
learned in Survivor Today:
1)The battle with
the Time Devourer from Chrono Cross is alot more
interesting when it's being fought in survivor
2)SO2's Dias Flac makes a good replacement for
The Slayers Gourry Gabriev.
Last edited by Maniac Ranma on
08-11-2001 at 04:20 PM |